Chicken Salad That Will Make You Slap Your Mama

I am not a cook.

As a matter of fact, I have only learned anything about cooking because I got married 4 years ago.

And Husbands need to eat apparently.

The way I cook is very lazy. Kind of like I clean.  If its not easy I’m not doing it. 

Enter the easiest chicken salad recipe to walk the planet….

What you need:
Rotisserie chicken (like you buy at the grocery store, ready to eat)
Low fat Mayo (don’t freak out its only low fat because I use high octane sour cream)
High octane aka fat fat fatty sour cream
3 celery stalks
3 green onions
dill (its really easy if you have a dill plant outside your back door.  Like I said, lazy)
lemon juice
brown sugar
salt and pepper
food processor

Let me talk about how bomb diggity a food processor is.  If you don’t have one, buy one. now. it is the best thing that ever happened to me. well almost. It makes cooking the easiest thing EVA!

Step one: deface the rotisserie chicken and put the pieces in the food processor.

Step 2. Push the food processor button.  Can’t get much easier than this.

Now if you like chunkier chicken salad, you can chop up the chicken.  I like my chicken salad the consistency of a thick dip so that’s how I make it. bueno?

Step 3: chop celery (now on days when I’m super de duper lazy, I throw all of the following ingredients in the food processor.  I decided to show you all the old fashioned way. 

Step 4: chop the green onions

Step 5: go outside and get some dill from your baby herb garden. if you don’t have an herb garden then buy some fresh dill from the store and chop that up.

Step 6: put chicken, celery, green onions and dill in a bowl with 1/2 cup of mayo and 1/2 cup of sour cream.  (you can add more if you like your chicken salad more creamy)

I use a wooden spoon cuz it makes me feel like I’m a super fancy Food Network cook.  I feel like a poser if I use a plastic one. I’m kind of a kitchen utensil snob. 

Step 7: add a squirt of lemon juice

Step 8: Add a little pinch (and I mean a PINCH) of brown sugar and some salt and pepper

Step 9: Mix it all together with your snobby wooden spoon.

Taste it and see if you want to add some more stuff.  I personally don’t like sweet chicken salad so I don’t add grapes or rasins or shit like that.  but you could if you want to. 

Step 10: make a sandwich

Yummy.

Go ahead. Slap your mama. I know you want to.