Secret Oilfield Wife Behavior

I was watching Sex and the City on dvd the other night (natch) and in one of the episodes the girls were talking about their SSB or Secret Single Behavior.

SSB are things you did when you were single but would never dream of doing in front of your spouse/significant other.

I don’t have Secret Single Behavior.  I barely remember being single.

I have Secret Oilfield Wife Behavior.  aka SOWB

SOWB are odd little things I do when Husband is away and I am left to fend for myself and my defenseless dogs.

SOWB #1: I watch QVC for fun. 

QVC fascinates me.  Its like the Skymall magazine on TV.  I find the hosts (?) hilarious.  They can be over the top in love with a sparkly top and the very next minute they are RAVING about a set of cookware.  I can watch it forever.  Its like a reality show for me.

SOWB #2: I have conversations with my dogs.

I know a lot of people talk to their animals, but I have full on conversations with mine.

“Sheldon, did you sleep well last night? No? oh I’m sorry to hear that.  How bout we go to the dog park and see if that makes you feel better.”

The great thing about Shiner is she kind of responds.  She’ll do a head tilt, or whine back at me, or raise an eyebrow.  The worst thing in the world I can say to my dogs is “Where’s Daddy?” Its horribly mean.  They both bolt to the door and sit nice and still and wait for him to walk through.  I try limit teasing them with this to about once per week.

SOWB #3: I read trashy books.

Like Chelsea Handler books.  Normally, I read economics/blow your mind related books (like Freakonomics/Blink/anything by Malcolm Gladwell).  But when Husband leaves its all about the scandalous antics of Chelsea Handler.  I guess I just don’t like to use my brain when the Hubs is gone.

SOWB #4: I do air barre.

I take ballet class on Thursdays.  But well before I started that class, I started randomly doing barre work around the house.  I don’t own a barre so I just pretend I have one (like air guitar but air barre).  In the Houston house I would use the back of our couch as a barre.  I’ve been doing this for YEARS.  I think it started way back in college in a dorm room somewhere.  But Husband has (and never will) see my air barre.

Anyone else have secret behavior?  Tell me I’m not the only weird one!